Maybe it wouldn't have gotten this bad...

Guilt can weigh the mind and make us feel so low in spirit, especially when we know we had the opportunity to make it right.

Source

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In my University days, I stayed with a very lovable Miss named Ms. Franca, she was someone who had so many admirable qualities and it even made me draw so close to her.

Most nights, I perceive the odor of Petrol around the Generator house which was adjacent to our window, but I always felt it was something normal, after all, Generators cannot work without fuel.

However when I turn to the other side of the bed, Ms.Franca was nowhere to be found, this happened for three consecutive days which I was aware of, so I decided to stay awake one night to know what was up.

We had the ritual of chit-chatting together every evening and then saying our prayers before going to bed.

On this fateful night, we performed our normal rituals and then I went to bed, in my heart of hearts, I needed to know where Ms.Franca always goes after our night prayers a few hours after I've fallen asleep, so I pretended to be asleep.

She waited, as usual, to make sure I had fallen deep asleep and then she crept out of the bed, walked on her tippy toes, and gently walked out of the room.

I waited for a while and then I walked on my tippy toes, I followed her discreetly and found her in the generator house, sniffing petrol!!

I was shocked and in two minds, "Should I call her name? Or should I sneak back into the room?" I soliloquized. After a quick thought, I decided to sneak back into the room.

The next day, she did the same thing, this time I was almost tempted to scold her but then I remembered she was way older than I was, so I held my peace, I didn't want her to feel insulted or embarrassed.

One evening, while we were having our normal gist, I stylishly asked her, "Where do you always go in the middle of the night, most time when I want to turn to the other side of the bed, you are always nowhere to be found?"

"Ahn, I pee a lot in the middle of the night, maybe I had gone to the toilet", She replied swiftly.

" Okay, I am always worried, well, that's why I asked", I replied.
Now she's not ready to own up to her guilty pleasures, I thought, "Well, she's an adult and can do whatever she wants", " Okay Aunty Franca, let's say our prayers, I'm feeling sleepy" I finally uttered.

This continued as I had made up my mind to mind my business until one evening, before saying our prayers she held her chest and screamed "Amie, my chest, I feel some kind of sharp pain there" and then she started to cough.
" Aunty Franca, maybe it's a cold," I innocently replied and then I offered to make her tea, which she drank but in the middle of the night it got worse, she kept screaming and wheezing, and I was just praying that God sustains her till morning, and then when it was daybreak, we headed to the hospital.

"You have Pneumonia," Doctor Sam said after running several tests on her, "Pneumonia? we do not have an air conditioner in our room " I replied, I was her spokes girl since she kept coughing incessantly.

Right from childhood I thought, drinking cold water or sleeping in an air-conditioned room was the cause of Pneumonia until Doctor Sam told us "Pneumonia is an infection of the lungs, not necessarily caused by cold water or air conditioner room, but mostly by bacteria on the airways and can be caused by inhaling small chemical particles, dust, gases or fumes".

Immediately, my mind raced to the day I saw her sniffing petrol and how it became her habit. I just couldn't forgive myself for not cautioning her even though she was older than I was. I felt like I could have prevented this illness if I had spoken to her at least once or twice, it was a burden in my heart that I couldn't even tell the doctor, I just looked at her and let the tears flow from my eyes.

We went home and the guilt in my heart didn't even let me utter a word to her, I knew I had a responsibility to put her on the right path even though it was a guilty pleasure for her.

From that day, I vowed in my heart to always speak out to anyone who is going astray even if it was going to be hard, just maybe things wouldn't get out of hand before it is too late.

Now she lives with Pneumonia to this day and whenever I visited her or hear her wheeze while breathing, I still feel like I had a hand in it, it's now me and my mind silently battling every day and wishing I could go back In time to make things right before it got this bad.

Thank you for stopping by, till we meet again, this is Amie Geoffrey.